It builds character.

Emmy Doggy Dogg needs a jobby job.

2011-06-16T16:24:00.002-05:00

I've been working at the Merchandise Mart the past week. My friend is the manager at a showroom and needed extra help, so I'm just working until tomorrow, or possibly a couple days next week. I didn't like it at first. There was a design conference going on Monday through Wednesday, and all I did was greet people, exchange business cards, and tell people that I can't tell them how much things are. The best time I had was talking to a student at Harrington about a lighting project she's working on. The company sells silk light fixtures, too, so she was interested in them. However, I enjoyed today a bit more since people coming in were actually browsing Mart showrooms because they wanted to, not because they happened to be there. And since the other salespeople weren't busy, a few stopped in to introduce themselves and were quite nice. It made me a bit sad knowing that I would soon be leaving. The main thing I haven't liked about working here is that I have nothing productive to do. I can't help people with projects or sell things or do research etc. I'm just online or reading. I read The Autobiography of Malcolm X for an hour and a half which was satisfying, but it's so cold and quiet in here that after awhile I got drowsy.
Anyway...I really wish I had a job. I'll be tackling the listings once more tomorrow.

You know you watch too many horror movies when...

2011-01-23T19:05:00.002-06:00

I was on the blue line last night, and a man was sleeping a few seats behind me on the other side of the car. His scarf was covering his mouth, and it was almost the same color as his skin. I caught a glimpse of him, and I had to take another look to check if he truly didn't have a mouth or if I was just crazy. It was obviously the latter.

Sometimes I hate the internet.

2010-08-29T23:00:00.003-05:00

I miss the days when, to let family know that a beloved relative has died (after a few days on her deathbed), you would receive a phone call to hear the news instead of a forwarded email...especially after explicitly asking to be notified when it happened.

Gun crazy.

2010-06-04T00:03:00.004-05:00

Growing up in the Chicago suburbs, guns were always really scary to me. The only people that had them were cops and gang members. In a way, that's still very true; I hear about shootings near my boyfriend's apartment all the time (in fact, there's a bullet hole in the window pane next to the front door of his building), and a lot of people want to bring the National Guard to Chicago because of the insane numbers of violent crimes that have taken place this year. (Which I'm against, btw. I'm glad it hasn't been done.)

However, I now know a few people that live in Texas and Utah that occasionally go shooting, and it's strange to know that they haven't exploded upon touching a firearm. I'm going to visit both my family and Gabe's family this summer, and target shooting is planned for both trips. I'm pretty excited about it. I've been looking at Illinois gun laws and am thinking about getting a Firearm Owner's Identification Card (FOID), which is required just to shoot a gun, let alone own one. There are several shooting ranges in the area that will rent out guns, and I even have a gun I would want to buy for superficial reasons: a Sig Sauer two-tone Mosquito (Ron Swanson gives one to April Ludgate for her 21st birthday on Parks and Recreation. According to him, it was designed for the officers of the Swiss "pussy" police force).

Obviously I'm not going to just go out and buy one (admittedly because they're $350 and I'm broke). It's just one of these things that I would never think I'd be interested in 5 years ago. And if I have fun shooting this summer, maybe it'll end up being a new hobby.

Besides, wouldn't it be badass to be able to use my FOID as ID in the event I lose my DL from speeding again?

Do you believe in love there?

2010-04-20T18:06:00.004-05:00

Suede is reuniting for a few shows, and I got very excited...but Bernard Butler won't be part of the line-up. Boo. Coming Up was pretty good, but their songs were definitely lacking after he left. Still, not that they'll likely come to the US, I'd definitely go if they did, even if it means being disappointed. I don't think anything can beat my inner teenager's soul being crushed when I saw Johnny Marr play with The Healers. Ugh.

And the meteorite is the source of a light and the meteor's just what we see...

2010-04-15T19:01:00.007-05:00

...and the meteroid is the stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee.

It's no secret that I love Joanna Newsom. Currently listening to "Emily;" there was a fireball (the result of a meteorite falling to Earth)seen all over the Midwest at around 10 pm last night, from Iowa to Ohio. I was awake; I wish that I'd seen it.
Anyway, I am completely broke at the moment, and so I used some of the $15 in Borders Bucks I had to buy a latte and apple tart (I fill out surveys for points at erewards.com; Borders Bucks are one thing you can redeem the points for). I decided to take a look at magazines. I spotted the new issue of Uncut. The second biggest headline was "JOANNA NEWSOM Welcome to her visionary world." YES PLEASE. I had just enough left on my Rewards card and my checking account to buy the UK (thus expensive) magazine. The intro photo is really beautiful and is obviously from the shoot that resulted in the cover of Have One on Me. I decided to look for it online, since the one in the magazine covers two pages and would have a seam if I scanned it. In my google search, I came across a blog that not only had that photo, but more photos of her amongst his other favorite artists that I had never seen before. So I will share them here...some of them had sources in the file name so I can only cite where those ones came from.

Annabel Mehran, Uncut, April 2010

The New York Times

The one below is from Buenos Aires...
Blogger keeps screwing with the format when I type it.

Voilà.

Ugh.

2010-04-14T22:10:00.003-05:00

I love horror movies. I've loved them for as long as I can remember. I've thought about ways I could incorporate them into my art history research...the connection between Le Corbusier's massive apartment buildings and Shivers and Demons 2 are the best examples I can think of. Damien Hirst and The Cell, also.

People often ask why I enjoy horror movies so much. The best explanation I can come up with is that it's a rush being scared and mortified...and often they're more funny than anything comedians like Adam Sandler could ever come up with. So I found it a bit strange when I had to turn off Law and Order: SVU tonight. It was an episode I've seen before; I've seen a lot of them multiple times because I'm addicted to that show. Yes, the crimes investigated in that show are horrendous, but the cast is so great that I can easily overlook it. But tonight, I couldn't. One could argue that SVU isn't a horror show, but a crime show...but it is scary, and once the rapist started confessing his crimes in detail, I began to get sick to my stomach. Part of the issue at hand was that another man had been convicted of these crimes; it wasn't until the rapes began again years later that the detectives realized that they had put the wrong man in prison. After the real rapist confesses, Detective Stabler visits the convicted man in prison and tells him he was wrongly convicted and will soon be released. The man is so grateful. And then I turned the TV off. I knew that shortly, before being led from the interrogation room to his cell, the real rapist would ask to use the restroom, and would then jump out the window and kill himself. Because of some legality, this would mean that the innocent man has to stay in prison after all. I don't know if this is accurate...I certainly don't understand why a window would be in a jail house's restroom. But it still made me sick.

This morning, I watched Demonia, directed by Italian horror director Lucio Fulci. I watched five nuns get nailed to crosses, a man get stabbed, two men impaled, a woman's eyes scratched out by her cats, and a man stabbed and his tongue nailed. Perhaps because none of the heinous acts in the SVU episode were actually shown, my mind filled in the blanks making it more horrific if I'd seen it. Come to think of it, horror movies rarely have rape scenes in them.

...

My cat was super cute today laying in the warm sun!

Neigh.

2010-04-08T02:04:00.005-05:00

I haven't been to the stable in three weeks, due to some personal drama and insomnia. I should schedule a lesson for next week. I shouldn't feed the horses in the morning until after the semester's over. I haven't done any work and I've got a lot to do. Work before play. Boo. It's a bit sad because I bought new breeches, the kind you wear in shows. They're so nice and comfy. They were a bit expensive for someone who's only doing this for a hobby, but most companies' smallest size is just one size too big, and these have some 'high tech' features that are really nice. Hopefully they last a long time. Anyway, they came in the mail and I was so excited trying them on...I wanted them because a. my denim breeches get hot in the sun and b. I'd like to be able to enter some small shows in the summer for fun. But that same night was when the drama started and I was anxious for days...it's been resolved, but it took awhile to get over it.
Even though I really need to get school work done asap, I'm spending the weekend in Madison with Gabe, staying with his friend Brendan. I really like when we go, it's always fun. There's a big rowing competition on Saturday which Gabe really wanted to see, so that'll be the main event. We're going to bring a drink cooler of mint juleps and it should be lots of fun, though it'll be chilly by the lake. The weather's been such a tease lately and I never know what to wear. The past few days I've been lounging in my Bloodsport t-shirt (Kumite Champion 1988!) and jeans that really need a washing.

I'd still be wearing that except my mom gave me a chocolate bunny for Easter and I was eating it in the dark whilst watching a movie last night. I woke up the next day with chocolate on my shirt. Whoops. So I switched to a t-shirt I bought for summer riding. It's white with various horse bits on it.

I'm not into equestrian inspired casual clothes, but this is a really cool design that I'd wear out of the saddle (which I'm doing right now). It's good to wear it a few days in a row and break it in...I don't like shirts that are BRIGHT WHITE.

Okay, don't know what to write anymore. Oh, on another horse-related topic, I read this really cool story about a woman that owns a small horse farm called the Compton Junior Posse in the middle of Compton. She gives free lessons to students in exchange for working at the farm and good report cards. There's also a video of a segment that NBC Nightly News did on the farm last year. I think this woman is so amazing for providing a safe haven and a wonderful experience for these kids that they'd probably never have otherwise. I know how healing it is to be around horses, so it was really nice to see someone run a program like this.

Outie 5000.

Grungy look #2: Driving home from a weekend in Chicago.

2010-03-22T00:12:00.005-05:00

As usual, I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's apartment, thus having to plan outfits according to our schedule. That night, we went to the opening of the 50 Alderman/50 Artists exhibit at Johalla Projects(Packed! We had to wait in line 20 minutes just to get in!), so I wore a cute new skirt from Anthropologie and platform mary janes (which are unfortunately close to death). A snow storm was predicted for Saturday and Sunday (Saturday, yes; today, no). We were going to another opening (Phyllis Bramson and Judith G eichman at Carrie Secrist Gallery)and meeting our friend for dinner and drinks afterward, so I wanted to wear something nice, but I also needed the proper footwear for walking in snow. All I have are a pair of black rubber wellies that I've been wearing to the stable, thus covered with dried mud from getting horses from the pens (boy are those pens muddy!) and duck style boots. Neither were proper attire for those events, but since I was too lazy to clean the rubber boots and was certain that the duck boots were in my trunk, I decided to go with those. However, I got to Chicago only to find that the boots were NOT in my trunk, and I forgot to put my jeans in my suitcase. So I borrowed a pair of Gabe's roommate's jeans for the weekend, and fortunately, though not perfect for snow, I did have my Frye boots in my car. So this is what I wore for the drive home (sorry for the darkness of the photos):

Sunglasses: Anthropologie
Prescription Glasses: Lucky
Coat: Latte by Coffeeshop via Mod Cloth
Satchel: Cambridge Satchel Company
Suitcase: vintage Samsonite via Cracker Jax
Boots: Frye
Sweater: Lux scavenged from Gabe's roommate's closet, likely via Urban Outfitters
Skirt: Eva Franco via Anthropologie

I have to wear my glasses when I drive; I've been out of contact lenses for a really long time. Since Gabe discovered this, he lectures me about it. After a particularly bad night driving in Chicago missing street signs (I didn't know where I was going) and nearly missing people crossing the street (I suspect there is an organization of people that like to wear black and walk in front of cars for fun), I'm being more mindful of wearing my glasses. Thanks to daylight savings time, driving westbound, and having visors that don't cover much of my windshield, I resorted to wearing my sunglasses over my regular glasses. Very uncomfortable.

Anyway, I thought I looked amusing and wanted to share. Actually, on my way to 290, the 2 lane road merged, and a woman on her cell phone didn't realize it and nearly sideswiped me. I honked and gave her a look...then realized how ridiculous I looked with my glasses. Oh well, I'll never see her again anyway.

Who's there?

2010-03-21T23:37:00.004-05:00

I fell in love with Joanna Newsom's music because of a boy. I had heard "The Sprout and the Bean," but it didn't connect with me; I was ambivalent. This guy I had just met was a huge fan but very shy, and told me that she was playing that night. He wanted to go, but not by himself. So of course I offered to go to spend time with him. Mission accomplished, but her performance was so incredible. He offered to burn The Milk-Eyed Mender for me and it was just about all I listened to for several months.

Anyway, I've been listening to Have One on Me almost exclusively since it came out, and I do love it but it wasn't as instantaneous as with her other releases. That's partly due to its length and number of songs. I think a few of the songs could have been released independently as an EP. Anyway, my love for the record was reinvigorated by Newsom's recent performance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. She played "Soft as Chalk" which I hadn't spent much time with. But her performance was so wonderful, and I immediately began listening to the song with more interest. Someone posted the video on YouTube, and I've rewatched it several times. Whomever posted it also posted the lyrics. I've always loved her lyrics, but I really wanted to read them in a normal sentence structure instead of a liner note one. So here are the lyrics for "Soft as Chalk" as I have interpreted them, as well as the video from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

So so long ago and so far away, when time was just a line that you fed me when you wanted to stay, we'd talk as soft as chalk ‘til morning came, as pale as a pearl. No time, no, no time; now, I have got all the time in the world.

Say, honey, did you belong to me? Tell me, honey, was your heart at rest when, darling, all the mourning doves were howling us a song of love's oh god-awful lawlessness, lawlessness? Say, honey, did you belong to me? Tell me, honey, did I pass your test? I lay as still as death until the dawn, whereupon I wrested from your god-awful lawlessness, lawlessness.

I roam around the tidy grounds of my dappled sanatorium. Coatless, I sit amongst the moles adrift and I dote upon my pinesap gum. And the light through the pines in brassy tines lays over me dim as rum and thick as molasses. And so time passes and so, my heart, tomorrow comes.

I feel you, leaning out back with the crickets, loyal heart marking the soon-ness darkness tonight. Still, the mourning doves will summon us their song of love's never-doneing lawlessness, lawlessness.

While over and over, rear up, stand down, lay round trying to sound-out or guess the reasons to sleep like a soldier without rest. But there is no treason where there is only lawlessness, lawlessness.

In the last week of the last year, I was aware. I took a blind shot across the creek at the black bear when he roused me in the night and left me cowering with my light calling out, “Who is there? Who's there? Who is there?”

I watched you sleep repeating my prayer. Give love a little shove and it becomes terror. And now I am calling in a sadness beyond anger and beyond fear, “Who is there? Who's there? Who is there?”

I glare and nod like the character, God, bearing down upon the houses and lawns. I knew a little bit, but, darling, you were it, and, darling, now it is long gone. Sweetheart, in your clean, bright start back there behind a hill, and a dell, and a state line or two, I'll be thinking of you; yes, I’ll be thinking and be wishing you well. We land. I stand, but I wait for the sound of the bell. I have to catch a cab and my bags are at the carousel. And then Lord, just then, time alone will only tell, you mourning dove.

Have I mentioned that I've had trouble writing?

2010-03-11T23:35:00.002-06:00

I can talk all I want, but for some reason, writing has been difficult. It's upsetting because my friend who lives in LA and I had gotten in the habit of writing letters, but I get halfway through and just can't finish. I can record myself talking, but for some reason, my photo booth software stops recording at random times. Not sure why, since I've recorded videos over 15 minutes long before. I keep meaning to put a new battery in my digital voice recorder...I should do that now.
Anyway, I'm not necessarily depressed but I'm not feeling like going out into the real world. I was thinking about that with my posts about wanting to put up pictures of my outfits. The last time I regularly took outfit photos was when I first moved here and didn't have many friends. I had what was at the time a nice quality camera phone, and that was one way I entertained myself.

I've just been watching a lot of movies. My favorite so far is the original Salem's Lot miniseries from the '70s. My sleeping schedule is really messed up and in turn makes me messed up. I haven't been to the stable in two weeks and I don't have money to take a riding lesson. I should email the stable owner to let her know that I'll be in to volunteer next week. I'm scheduled to help out with this semester's NIU Beginning Horseback riding class. Perhaps I'll be able to exercise some of the horses that haven't been ridden much lately before newcomers get on them.

Alrighty, audio diary time.

"Well, I saw straightaway that the lay was steep, but I fell for you honey, easy as falling asleep."

2010-02-28T23:22:00.005-06:00

An audio and written review of Have One on Me from All Things Considered...

I've been listening to the record pretty much non-stop aside from interludes of Dave Chappelle and Aziz Ansari stand up. I've been feeling a bit odd about it and couldn't quite place it. Is it the arrangements? Is it the new singing style? I was listening to it on the way home from Chicago tonight, and it occurred to me that that was the first time I was listening to it with full attention; all the other times, I was doing something else while listening to it or it was on in the background. I was surprised when I looked at my iTunes and saw I had listened to it 10 times...it didn't feel like it. HOoM is indeed a long album, and I tend to need some time with my music so this isn't abnormal.

Newsom will be on Jimmy Fallon this Friday...super excited! I think it might be her first American TV performance. I know that she's been on Later with Jools Holland, a UK show (Holland is former Squeeze!). I'm curious as to what she'll be playing on Fallon. My guess is "Easy." I think it would be cool if she did "Good Intentions Paving Company," but my guess is that they'll want something featuring the harp (whoops...so does "Easy!"). And there aren't very many short songs on the album...short in Joanna Newsom terms.

Well, I managed to get some words out of my fingers for the night.

Mute.

2010-02-27T19:24:00.003-06:00

I wish there was a device that could turn the thoughts in one's brain into words on a screen.
I just can't write about what I'm thinking, for some reason.

I want a fox...

2010-02-23T22:23:00.003-06:00

I forgot to post my new favorite photograph:

via crappytaxidermy.com

I highly recommend looking at the site. It's part amusing, weird, and downright scary.

"There's a big black spider hanging over my door. Can't go anywhere, anymore."

2010-02-23T21:51:00.007-06:00

-- Joanna Newsom, "Have One on Me."

I've had so much on my mind that I've wanted to write about, but for some reason I couldn't make my fingers type the words. After writing a couple letters to people, though, I think I'm past the block.

I'm really enjoying Joanna Newsom's new album, though it's different than her other releases, confirming a pattern. I think that's wonderful, actually. People can only make the same record so many times. I'm getting used to it; I'm only on my 3rd listen, and it's two hours long. My favorite song so far is "Good Intentions Paving Company." It seems to be the most poppy of the album. Some songs have a somewhat medieval feel to them, while some have a '70s prog rock sound. Newsom had surgery to remove vocal chord nodules a year ago; the result is a voice that's a bit smoother, sometimes sounding like Kate Bush.

I'm glad that this record came out when it did. I actually received it yesterday, a day before its release, because I pre-ordered it from her record label, Drag City. So I've had a head start. I've been feeling depressed the last couple weeks which seems to deepen with each day. It's nice to have something new to distract myself. Newsom's songs are so rich in their lyrics and musical arrangement that it's easy to get sucked into it.

I've been using good old-fashioned sleep, Dave Chappelle stand up performances, and movies to distract myself. I've also been volunteering at the stable I ride at, feeding the horses. There's around 60 horses there, so feeding takes a LONG time. It's hard but rewarding work. Thus I was disappointed when I slept through all my alarms and missed going, waking up at 3:45 pm. I've been on Facebook most of the afternoon and listening to Have One on Me. I've been feeling a bit ill from my medication. I'd like to watch a movie, but nothing seems appealing. I might put on Ang Lee's Sense and Sensibility. I should go to bed soon so I can hopefully get up tomorrow.

Can I have her legs, please?

Pbbbt. (raspberry)

2010-02-05T21:07:00.012-06:00

I am envious of a lot of these cool street fashion bloggers. My favorite is liebemarlene vintage; through her I've also discovered Delightfully Tacky, left hand endeavor, Leproust Vintage, Sally Jane Vintage, Selective Potential, and the snail and the cyclops. To be fair, though, most, if not all, of these girls operate vintage/resale shops of some sort, so keeping blogs like these is part of their jobs.

I often get compliments on my clothes and I like to think that I have good taste, but unless I'm at a party and someone else snaps a picture and posts it on Facebook, my outfits just don't get recorded. I like the idea of being able to take pictures of what I wear, but I usually don't have the time (or I feel like I don't, anyway). I also don't ask anyone to deliberately take photos out of nervousness and fear of being perceived as vain.

I had to drive home from Chicago unexpectedly and very unhappily during rush hour whilst feeling sick. Hunched over my steering wheel with the window cracked hoping I wouldn't puke, I thought about how I enjoy the days when I don't shower and sometimes just wear the same clothes I did the day before. It's a habit that I formed from constantly running late for my dearly departed job. There's something comforting about being dirty, as well as the long hot shower which follows. I have oily hair, so my new haircut lends itself to messiness. I made it home deciding to do a photo series of my grungy days. Though I didn't quite end up doing that...Ms. Sally Jane Vintage had posted a series of photos from Jackson, Johnston and Roe's Spring collection, and I really liked the one girl's hair; even though hers is actually long and pinned up, it's something that I can sort of recreate.

I put on an outfit I'd wear if I'd been able to go to the birthday party I had planned on attending tonight. I did keep to the grungy thing a little, not showering, keeping on the top I wore last night and on the drive home, and taking the photos in my very messy bedroom. I did take one photo pre-outfit, though, due to my friend's desire to see my haircut. I used my MacBook's web camera.

I took a series of photos with my digital camera using the flash and weird angles because I wouldn't be able to capture my complete outfit otherwise...I could probably rig up something in the stairwell of my building and use the timer sans flash, but surprisingly for a Friday night, my neighbors are home and I would be really embarrassed if I were caught. But then my camera, which is suddenly starting to break down (as soon as I no longer have a steady income, of course), decided not to communicate with my computer when I hooked it up. Thus, I had to redo the shoot using my cell phone. A happy accident; it's more à propos.

Ta da:

Embarrassingly, half of the outfit is from Anthropologie: tank top (by Ric Rac; a gift from my aunt), shorts (by hei hei), and stockings (by Ruffian). Cardigan is Mossimo from Target, heels are Dolce Vita from Urban Outfitters, necklace is vintage from Fred and Ethel's, and the purse came from a lawn sale at the Logan Square farmer's market.

Phew. Got that out of my brain...though now I'll have to wash my face before going to sleep. Resume feeling sick in bed with Buckminster and decide what movie to watch.

NEW JOANNA NEWSOM!!!

2010-02-03T23:45:00.003-06:00

February 23rd, Triple LP/CD, Have One on Me. If I had money, I'd pre-order it, but looks like I'll have to make sure I have $25 in my saving's account for the big day (hell yeah I'm getting the vinyl).
There's a free streaming track on Drag City's site, "Good Intentions Paving Company." I'm digging it.
And she's playing at the Vic on April 3rd!!!

D'accord.

2010-02-01T20:26:00.002-06:00

Today was my last day at work, and thus I've been in my own head all day thinking about how glad I am yet how I wish things could have turned out differently. I decided that a playlist on my iPod of France Gall and Françoise Hardy songs would be the perfect soundtrack for the drive there, and hit shuffle. After France Gall's "Nous ne sommes pas des onges" played, a Mos Def song came on. Huh? I'd recently made a new playlist of him, De La Soul, Dr. Octagon, and a Dave Chappelle stand up concert...apparently I'd accidentally dragged some of the songs into the France/Françoise playlist.
What a happy accident.

Martyrs.

2010-01-31T20:44:00.004-06:00

Occasionally a movie comes along that throws me off. The most recent film of this ilk is Martyrs, directed by the French Pascal Laugier and released in the US on DVD in 2009. I suppose it's strange to post a blog about a movie I can't really discuss yet, but it's so haunting that I can't let go of it. Perhaps someone will comment on their experience with this movie...or this post will inspire someone else to watch it. What I can say is that I'm glad to see that the horror genre is moving past the Scream era, and also that this is just one of many recent films that are incredibly thought-provoking (though I'd say Martyrs is #1 on that list).

Gotta love museum board members that care about their own interests instead of the care of the museum which they've been entrusted with.

2010-01-27T13:58:00.005-06:00

I am all too familiar with museum board member politics. Fortunately, the members whom I've worked with that have gotten involved with museum programming are actually involved with the arts and their exhibits not only followed the museum's mission, but were also very successful.

The Grand Rapids Art Museum's mission statement:

The mission of the Grand Rapids Art Museum is to provide a gathering place where people of all ages and backgrounds can enrich their lives through interaction with authentic works of art of the finest quality in a thought-provoking and creative way. In order to nourish and delight the mind and spirit, the Museum collects, conserves, educates, and interprets.

Their upcoming exhibit opening in November: Diana -- a Celebration.

"The exhibition that has drawn audiences averaging 90,000 to other cities, according to Pamella DeVos, an honorary life trustee of the museum, who made the announcement Monday in the museum.

"Her charm, beauty and easy grace touched many people in her short, complex life," DeVos said.

The Grand Rapids Art Museum, which drew just under 105,000 visitors over 12 months from October 2008 to October 2009, will have the show from before Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day in February 2011.

"We believe it'll attract and inspire thousands of women from all over the state and beyond," DeVos said."

According to the article, the cost of bringing the exhibit to the museum is unknown. Is it ethical to spend so much money to bring a popular culture/historical exhibit instead of raising money for a blockbuster art exhibit? If they were able to raise that kind of money to host a great exhibit, they could surely draw equally large crowds.

I don't know Pamella DeVos's background, but she certainly does not give the impression of knowing her place in supporting an art museum.

Yeah, that's right.

2010-01-26T23:46:00.002-06:00

I just watched Save the Last Dance, and I loved it.

And I didn't just watch it; I watched my very own copy that I purchased for $5 at Walmart last week. It's the Special Collector's Edition. What a deal.

Part of me enjoys it because I lived in Chicago and recognize a lot of the locations...but mostly I enjoy sweet teen romances. Not OMFG teen romances; sweet teen romances. He's teaching her how to loosen up and dance hip hop style! He takes her to the ballet! They get all scandalous on the L just to piss off a racist woman! He shows up at her audition despite the cries of "young man!" from the staid Julliard judges!

The only thing that makes my pleasure of this movie guilty is that the heroine needs her boyfriend to look after her. Had he not shown up at that Julliard audition, she wouldn't have finished her routine. She only reluctantly showed up after her father said he'd take her.
I don't want to imply that people shouldn't rely on their significant others for strength. But I do feel a bit ashamed when I realize that I'm swooning over a relationship that is held together solely by the man.
Last night, I watched Hellraiser with the commentary track on; it with was Clive Barker (writer/director), and lead actress Ashley Laurence. Toward the end, they mentioned that the actor who played her boyfriend didn't like the fact that he was just sort of there and not the hero. He's not even just sort of there; he's in the way. Of course, Hellraiser is not a romance film (sadistic, yes; romantic, no), but it's still interesting to hear that a man was uncomfortable playing the part of someone who needs to be taken care of. Hopefully, more female actors these days do, too.

Wigs!

2010-01-19T23:54:00.013-06:00

As my friends can attest, I have ADD when it comes to my hair styles and colors. The result is fried, thinning hair. I'm constantly doing Facebook polls on how I should color my hair and I'm never satisfied by others' opinions.

Thus began my interest in wigs.

I started out with this one. I bought it in Hollywood which has lots of wig stores. It was only $50. I had looked at some at that giant costume shop on Milwaukee in Chicago; the woman was willing to discount the price from $150 to $100 on a wig I wasn't really sure I wanted.

I was really pleased with the one I got in Hollywood. I had red hair at the time, and I thought it would quell my desire to dye my hair black. But I loved the way it looked and so I decided to try to grow my hair to match it. But my hair is too thin and fried from all the dying, and it's really difficult to get it to grow as long as I want it to.

I need to retouch my roots, by the way.

I've been wanting to dye it red again, thanks to this photo.

However, I'd have to bleach it, which is badbadbad news. So I decided it was time to get another wig. This time, I ordered from Vogue Wigs. They have a line called "Forever Young" that has really affordable, nicely made, and trendy wigs. So I decided to get this one.

It's a bit lighter than it looks in the photos. It's really nice and long and I love it.

And of course I'm always considering going back to my natural hair color. I thought this curly wig was cute.

I will soon be out of a job (my decision...I need to focus on my thesis), so I might buy one more when I get paid on Friday; I'll be getting quite a bit of moola thanks to overtime working on the museum's exhibits that opened on Sunday. For $35, I may as well do it while I can.

I'm thinking that I'll still keep dying my hair black, but bob it. It'll be easier to keep my hair healthy, as well as make styling easier since I won't have as much hair to deal with. And no more knots!

This picture is 4 1/2 years old. Goodness gracious.

So close...

2010-01-14T20:29:00.004-06:00

Since the staff was told yesterday, I feel that I can vocalize that I've quit my job. I'd be a lot sadder about it if I wasn't having a sudden spate of panic attacks.
So now I'm going to have to buckle down and write my thesis, as well as schmooze my ass off at gallery openings. My boss told me that I deserved something better, and I intend to make that happen.

The Bridesmaid.

2010-01-02T21:53:00.003-06:00

Last night, I watched Claude Chabrol's 2004 film, La demoiselle d'honneur. I had to watch it again this afternoon...I skipped the middle but I needed to search for clues at the beginning and the end to make sense of it. It's the sort of film that's missing several pieces that would make it more satisfying. However, the small faults and negative spaces here and there kept me online searching for discussions of the film, continuing to think about it until I gave in and watched (most of) it for a second time.

I can relate to Benoît Magimel's character, Philippe; he's living an unfulfilling life and this mysterious and exciting woman comes along, professing her love and opening herself up to him completely...or so she says, until it's too late. I find it interesting that it is Philippe who so desperately reaches out to her; I've seen this sort of situation happen all too often with my female friends, not that any of those relationships ended in murder.

I was recently invited to join a book group. I don't know if I'll be able to read the book in time for the meeting, but I'm excited about it. However, I'd be more excited if I had the organizational skills to start a movie club so I could have people to discuss films like this with. I tried to do it over a year ago, but it just never panned out.

Uplifting.

2010-01-01T19:15:00.003-06:00

I know that this is not an uncommon phenomenon, but I feel strange to hate someone that I've never met. I also feel strange that I both feel sorry about a different person's horrible situation, yet also am happy about it. I'm not typically a vindictive or hateful person. I rarely say that I hate someone: I usually dislike or am unhappy with someone. But no, in these cases I hate someone and am satisfied with someone's misfortune.

Happy New Year. Here's to hoping that by the end of it, I'll believe those words.

Random thought.

2009-12-05T13:04:00.005-06:00

I adore this photo that was posted on Scout Holiday.

I've been interested in school uniforms and ribbons/medals lately. I almost bought a masonic medal on eBay a couple days ago, but I chickened out...if I'm going to wear something like that, I better have a damn good explanation for it. However, I am perfectly comfortable wearing the horse show ribbon my friend gave me at Halloween; I just haven't figured out what to wear it with.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Old-school uniforms and awards, yay!

The little things.

2009-11-22T23:30:00.010-06:00

Poladroid is the best. It's an application that you download which renders your photos so they look like they were taken by Polaroids (as best as one can replicate, of course). Try it, try it!

I felt like taking some pictures of recent procurements around my apartment.

My living room corner mess.

Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison 8-track cassette found at Salvation Army for $0.95. Now I just need a player to listen to it...

Movies rescued from the Dollar Video VHS tape sale rack.

A Christmas diorama purchased at Cracker Jax from their sale room.

Vintage ceramic clock from Mode on Damen south of Lawrence. It works, but the battery died soon after I brought it home. I need to get some Cs.

Mounted horned beetles. I love beetles. I was impressed by Gabe's friend Bridget's display, and these popped up in a search on eBay for something else. I had to.

1940 horse show ribbon: best costume prize from my friend Nicole's Halloween party. It inspired me to bid on this next item one eBay...

...a 1935 horse show ribbon.

Bonne nuit.

A snippet of the new White House Collection.

2009-10-08T22:35:00.000-05:00

Obamas Bring Bold Art to the White House
By Judd Tully

An odd feeling.

2009-10-08T20:57:00.002-05:00

I've never been interested in sports; I do enjoy attending baseball games on occasion. But I don't care about teams, I don't care about who wins, I don't care about rivalries.

Even though I don't want to go into showjumping (which is different from hunt seat; the jumps are bigger and flashier and you're racing against a clock whereas hunt seat is more concerned with form), I've been watching rounds on youtube. Someone posted the jumpoff from the FEI World Cup in Las Vegas this year. In a showjumping competition, all the people with clear rounds then do a jump off, and whoever has a clear with the fastest time ultimately wins. So I'm watching it and it's intense and the rider has just a few seconds to get over the very last jump in order to beat the time of her predecessor and...the connection slows and the video pauses. And I yelled at the screen! I yelled at the screen. And I understood what those goons in their jerseys and beer coozies feel when they jump up and yell. I mean, of course I knew why, but now I get it. I still think football is stupid, though.

Love.

2009-10-07T22:48:00.002-05:00

I saw a clip of an interview with the German filmmaker Rainer Werner Fassbinder on a blog called DC's. I don't know any of the details of this interview. This particular statement is intriguing, because I'm getting to an age in which everyone I know is either getting married or wants to get married, and I'm somewhat ambivalent. I like the idea of two people committing to each other, in sickness and in health, to death do they part. I also like the idea of living with that person. But I don't know yet how marriage fits in with those ideas, at least not in this day and age. At least not for me.

Interviewer: Are you capable of living with another person?
RWF: Uhhh, ummm...
I: To add to that question, you were married once.
RWF: But not in order to live together. We got married because we got along better with each other than we did with other people. Getting married means something different, or it meant something different than it does to other people.

I can feel the awful music being played next door.

2009-09-28T19:20:00.003-05:00

I've been sick today, staying home from work and class to sleep. Being sick is boring, but you can't do anything more than get up for water or some other menial task or else you feel as though you may pass out.

Fun!

My horseback riding class is coming to an end, but I've decided that I will continue with lessons. Since the high tomorrow is 54° and it's not yet October, this means acquiring riding gloves, half chaps, and a down vest so that I may continue to ride in the winter. I've been eyeing a knitting book at Tre Kroner's Sweden Shop that is solely dedicated to glove and mitten patterns. I'm hoping that Gabe will get it for me for my birthday next week, but if not, I'll just get it myself and make some fabulously Scandinavian arm warmers for riding.

I'd really like to get back into jumping (hunter). I've been watching youtube videos, reading books and websites, and looking fondly at my second place ribbon from 1994 which I've now taped to my living room wall. It's definitely not something I can afford to do on a competitive level, but it makes me feel good and I look forward to my lessons every week.

Another bad thing about being sick today is that it means I won't be able to go to class on Thursday; I'll have to work.

Gaaah...can't sleep.

2009-09-23T01:07:00.005-05:00

My dear friend turned me on to this blog, liebemarlene vintage. I love its author's aesthetic, and it has me wondering if I should cut bangs again.

Recent purchases from Target (on their way!):

Xhilaration Black Saida T-Strap Pump. $19.99.

Xhilaration Black Kalliope Boots. $26.99. (The best knock-off I could find of my beloved Black Fleece calfskin booties.)

I'm overdue for some self-portrait fashion photography, but at this point in my life, I'm so overwhelmed with school and work that I'd rather enjoy my outfits than document them.

I also recently purchased The Fin-de-Siecle Culture of Adolescence by John Neubauer. (I couldn't find an image online, unfortunately.) This book is an excellent study of the representation of adolescents in the arts, and the events that led to adolescents becoming a stage of development and a subject of study. I've checked this book out so many times that I figured I may as well own it.

I think I'll try to join my cat in sleep now.

Please?

2009-09-20T18:35:00.003-05:00

Brooks Brothers Black Fleece collection.
Black Calf Button Boot.
$600.

Oh snap!

2009-08-20T17:23:00.003-05:00

From André Breton's Manifesto of Surrealism:

If the purely informative style, of which the sentence just quoted is a prime example, is virtually the rule rather than the exception in the novel form, it is because, in all fairness, the author’s ambition is severely circumscribed. The circumstantial, needlessly specific nature of each of their notations leads me to believe that they are perpetrating a joke at my expense. I am spared not even one of the character’s slightest vacillations: will he be fairhaired? what will his name be? will we first meet him during the summer? So many questions resolved once and for all, as chance directs; the only discretionary power left me is to close the book, which I am careful to do somewhere in the vicinity of the first page. And the descriptions! There is nothing to which their vacuity can be compared; they are nothing but so many superimposed images taken from some stock catalogue, which the author utilizes more and more whenever he chooses; he seizes the opportunity to slip me his postcards, he tries to make me agree with him about the clichés:

The small room into which the young man was shown was covered with yellow wallpaper: there were geraniums in the windows, which were covered with muslin curtains; the setting sun cast a harsh light over the entire setting…. There was nothing special about the room. The furniture, of yellow wood, was all very old. A sofa with a tall back turned down, an oval table opposite the sofa, a dressing table and a mirror set against the pierglass, some chairs along the walls, two or three etchings of no value portraying some German girls with birds in their hands – such were the furnishings. (Dostoevski, Crime and Punishment)

I am in no mood to admit that the mind is interested in occupying itself with such matters, even fleetingly. It may be argued that this school-boy description has its place, and that at this juncture of the book the author has his reasons for burdening me. Nevertheless he is wasting his time, for I refuse to go into his room.

(I have to admit that the reason this passage first caught my eye is that an ex who I now greatly despise was in love with Dostoevski. hahahhahaha)

Your daily moment of zen.

2009-08-11T15:53:00.004-05:00

I am making flashcards for my comprehensive exam which is in less than two weeks.
I love Grünewald's Isenheim Alterpiece. I'm mad at myself for not making more of an effort to take a train out to Colmar when I was in Paris to see it in person.

Matthias Grünewald, Isenheim Alterpiece (First View), c.1510-15

Glass + Steel.

2009-08-08T21:07:00.009-05:00

An art exhibit installation isn't truly finished until one has accrued a significant number of bruises.

It's always worth it, though. Go check out Glass + Steel at Elmhurst Art Museum.

The things you stumble upon...

2009-08-04T15:14:00.004-05:00

This was posted a few days ago on a blog I follow, Old Paint, which posts an old painting every day. I love it, and it opens up a whole new avenue of study for my thesis: examples of adolescents in Italian paintings.

Felice Casorati, Girl on a Red Carpet, 1912

It's like one of Balthus's girls set in an Eduoart Vuillard painting.

I'm being crushed under glass and steel.

2009-08-02T19:57:00.002-05:00

Funnily, my latest curatorial endeavor makes me appreciate school so much more and I actually miss being a full time grad student working on 15-20 page papers spending all of my free time reading essays. Not that I don't still have museum aspirations, but I think I'll be much better at it after I finish my degree. Also, I will be able and more qualified to do it full time, and thus will not feel like a total fuck up even though I know it's not entirely my fault.
Despite it all, the exhibit looks great and is different than anything EAM's done before, and I'm now more prepared to deal with the next exhibit which I foresee as being similarly taxing. No more doormat curating.

I just got Anthropologie's latest catalogue in the mail and I want every pair of shoes depicted in it. Though I think it's kind of stupid that "For our August edition, we photographed what inspires us...
real people
real places
you"

Then they show people modeling their clothes in Paris, New York, and London.
Yep, that's me.

A cat is all I need to be happy.

2009-07-31T00:17:00.002-05:00

I am up way past my bed time.

I want to be at work at 8 am, even though it will never happen.

The exhibit I'm working on was supposed to be done today (Friday), but it's not. In some ways, it's my fault because I was not very organized with this one. But it was my first exhibit of 3D work that I was in charge of (I hang 2D work very quickly, so I don't need as much time to complete a show), I only work 20 hours a week, and people were late bringing important components in that I needed in order to design around. Also, people brought in things last minute that I then needed to incorporate into the show. Plus I had 3 "superiors" giving me all sorts of different orders yet telling me that I need to take charge.

I'm really amazed that I haven't had a nervous break down. Perhaps that's due in part to my visit to the psychiatrist last week.

I love my job. But I really wish I could have it after I graduate instead of right now. My comprehensive exam is in less than a month and I've hardly studied for it.

Movies lie.

2009-07-22T00:31:00.003-05:00

I wish that I could have my hair styled either of these ways whenever I want:

Daisy d'Ora in Pandora's Box, 1929.

Veronica Lake.

Not that it would make my life better or happier, or make me more well-loved...sigh.

Why am I watching this History Channel show about aliens?

2009-07-07T19:35:00.001-05:00

I wish I could throw everything away and start over.

Self-imposed insecurity.

2009-05-31T19:21:00.002-05:00

I had a...not depressing, but some similar emotion...thought in between dreams and wakefulness this morning. I've been very self-conscious of the fact that the last 3 years is the best (imo, anyway) that I've ever looked. I'm 27, almost 28 - past my prime in the eyes of many people. But we all live longer these days, and thanks to surgeries and treatments and lifestyles, women are expected to look like they're in their 20s well into their 40s...even 50s. I have another 20 years of "maintenance." It was a really weird thing to think about. Even though I've stopped reading women's magazines and paying attention to celebrities long ago, these thoughts still seep into my brain.

Even though only two or three people look at this blog...

2009-05-17T18:04:00.004-05:00

...I wanted to share my latest research paper. If you have suggestions, tell me. Don't be afraid to be harsh, I'm learning way too late in my life how to write art history papers.

Transformation.

2009-05-13T21:21:00.002-05:00

Balthus. Thérèse, 1938.

I was photographed today by the Chicago Tribune tidying up a sculpture in Elmhurst Art Museum's new exhibit, "Ultra-Realistic Sculptures by Marc Sijan." There's no guarantee that they'll make it in to the paper; space is tight in the arts section. I hope it does, though, because the pictures the photographer sent me are really cool! I'm not allowed to post them online, though. But if they're printed in the paper, I could post a scan of it...

I am in love with this painting. I love it so much that I should marry it.

2009-04-25T14:39:00.002-05:00

Jan Toorop, The New Generation, 1892.

My paper is almost finished. I'm just waiting to see Gabe's edits and then I'll email it to my professor. I'll post it to my website when it's complete. It's not perfect, but it's the best I could do in 2 months and 12 pages.

Oh well.

2009-04-12T22:18:00.003-05:00

I just ordered this:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23532818
(She has a variety of colors. Très mignon.)

I decided it was okay to purchase it because a. I got quite a nice tax return this year, and b. I'll wear it as part of my bridesmaid ensemble for Carissa's wedding in October.

It's been a strange week. My boyfriend went out of town. It's amazing how one person can affect your life. Even though I knew I'd miss him, I was looking forward to the change of pace...more time for homework, seeing friends I haven't seen because I spend most of my free time with him. But I didn't do any of those things...I did see a couple friends during the week, but they're DeKalbians and I see them less rarely than my other friends. I only read a little, I drank my New Glarus brown ale and cherry lambic that I got in Madison, and I watched lots of movies and episodes of Buffy. At first, I was disappointed in myself. I don't like being the sort of girl who only spends time with her boyfriend and his friends. But it occurred to me that this week's activities are probably exactly what I would have done if I were single...aside from the beer drinking (since I'd have never gone to Madison). I became a hermit last summer, before I met Gabe. And he doesn't like Buffy or horror movies, so I did do something that I don't get to do as often these days.
I think I do want to go out and be social, but I don't have the motivation to do anything about it. I get lost in my own head and my apartment...if no one pulls me out, I don't think about it until after the fact.

I want to love you, Anthropologie, but you're making it very difficult.

2009-03-19T16:21:00.006-05:00

I was horrified to open up an email from Anthro and see this:

Who...why...I don't...ugh.

And then I looked at their dresses, and the world was good.

Talking to myself.

2009-03-18T22:58:00.003-05:00

I've been struggling with the idea of moving back to Chicago. I'll only be taking one class in the fall that is one night a week, so I'd only have to make the hour and a half commute to DeKalb once a week. It's closer to the museum. It's closer to most of my friends. It's closer to places I like to visit, food I like to eat. I could live somewhere that actually allows me to have a cat.

But money's tight...err, practically non-existent. Rent would be higher, and my living space would be smaller. My small one bedroom is cluttered enough as it is. I hate moving. I'm only guaranteed a job at the museum until they start looking for a new curator...and I don't know when that will be. What if they decide to hire someone else, and I end up with a job that's not close to Chicago? I hate moving. Gabe likes coming out here, so distance isn't an issue. I doubt I'd see him any more than I do now if I were to move to Chicago. It's not like I have much of a social life now anyway, even though I do still have friends here. I probably wouldn't see my friends in Chicago any more than I do the ones who live in DeKalb. It's not going to make much of a difference if a large portion of the people I know move away. I'd like to go to gallery openings more, which I don't have to live in Chicago to do since I stay at Gabe's on the weekends.

Yes, yes...the sensible thing is to stay put. My life would be different living in Chicago, but it wouldn't be any better or worse.

Big Love.

2009-03-17T21:33:00.002-05:00

I've never seen Big Love. As a non-active Mormon, I've been mildly curious, but I figured since it's an HBO soap opera, it wouldn't be worth my while.
I heard about this last episode in which they show a temple endowment ceremony...something very secretive which I never experienced. I left the church before I would have been old enough to receive my endowment. Gabe and I talked about it...he felt it was very offensive and sensational for the producers of the show to include a scene of a sacred practice in the show. I didn't really know how I felt about it, so I played devil's advocate in the discussion.
However, the next day, I went to work, and at some point, my co-workers began discussing the episode. None of them had actually seen it, except for one, who watches it regularly. She had thought that the polygamists were "fucked up"...but after seeing that scene, she decided that the regular Latter Day Saints were the ones who were really crazy. My gut reaction was to defend the church, but since I hadn't expected the conversation, nor had I seen the show, I didn't know what to say and just said that the polygamist family were FLDS.
I don't go to church any more because I disagree with certain aspects of it. That doesn't matter to me, but the fact that I drink, have sex with people I am not married to, and do not believe in the Book of Mormon would certainly matter to them. I would rather quit than be ex-communicated for those things. But I do feel protective of the church, and it hurts me when people say bad things about the church which I feel are not bad at all.
In a way, I'm glad that Big Love depicted the endowment ceremony. I think a lot of peoples' distrust of the church is that Mormons tend to be insular. I think if they knew what an endowment ceremony was and what it meant, I don't think the majority of people would consider it a "freaky" thing. And I don't think that that would compromise the sacredness of the ceremony, or more importantly, the sacredness of one's relationship with God.

Claude Monet can kiss my ass.

2009-03-17T21:19:00.002-05:00

I am yet again at a party (a bbq hosted by Gabe and his roommates), not interacting with the fellow guests, but alone in a room with a book and a computer. In my defense, I have a cold, and I did have reading to do for class tomorrow. I read the first article on the docket. The second one, though, is about Monet and Impressionism (it's a 19th century studies class), and since I've been to the Art Institute a bajillion times and have visited the Musée d'Orsay in Paris, I feel that I should be exempt from having to read this article. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about Impressionism.

Grumble.

2009-03-11T19:10:00.004-05:00

Yep, I am hating Wednesday, March 11th, mainly for things I didn't even anticipate. I have negative money, my right arm, hand, and shoulder are killing me because of an impromptu 4 hour long handwritten letter campaign at work (which I agree was a good idea...but it would have been nicer to let us do it at our leisure by a due date instead of all at once), which also resulted in blahblahblah.

I have the sweetest cat on my lap, an awesome boyfriend, and a foot spa.
Lather, rinse, repeat.

EDIT: AND I got my favicon working!!!

I must have gotten in on the wrong side of the bed.

2009-03-11T06:00:00.003-05:00

I really should not be worried about favicons at 6am. I suppose that's what happens when one can't fall asleep. I've done everything else...my new massaging foot spa, neck massage, making a mix of baby-friendly music for my new mommy friend...and then listening to it, laying in bed with the lights out in various positions.
So now I'm working on my professional website. I figured out how to upload stuff to my .mac account that I made in Dreamweaver instead of using that crap iWeb program. And instead of working on the other pages, I've been trying to figure out why my favicon code isn't working (the little picture that shows up on your browser tabs).
I already know that I'm going to hate today.

I have a doppelganger.

2009-03-05T14:08:00.002-06:00

I recently began making a website for my professional work (www.emilybarney.com) and decided to see if it would show up on google. I typed in Emily Barney, and no, my site did not show up (which I'm not too upset about because I'm not happy with it in its current state). However, what *did* show up was a lot of pages that mention another girl whose name is Emily Barney, also 27 years old, and who also lives in the Chicago area.
Creepy.

I hate money.

2009-03-01T20:13:00.003-06:00

I really, really hate money. Or, rather, the lack thereof.
I know this is a very "duh" statement to make, but I just put another payment down on my credit card which seems to make only a tiny dent in the balance, and it makes me feel like I should start life over in some middle of nowhere town working as a waitress in a waffle house.
Hrm, I was supposed to take my anti-anxiety medication 15 minutes ago.

Every one of them is a lie.

2009-02-20T01:56:00.002-06:00

For some reason, I can't stop repeating in my head the line "electricity lies" (Buffy season 5, "Crush." Yes, we all know I'm a nerd).
Maybe I find something poetic about it, or obsessive.
Or maybe it's because I watched "Zardoz" tonight and, having never taken hallucinogenic drugs, am not familiar with the sort of thoughts I've been having this evening.

Lost in transition.

2009-02-18T23:15:00.002-06:00

Change is definitely a good thing. I'm all for change. However, lately, my life seems like it's just non-stop change and I'm barely keeping up.

I've been toying with whether I want this to be a personal blog or a professional one. I'm trying on my business clothes, and I'm don't think that what I've been writing is the appropriate attire. However, I think I'll keep this personal; after all, it's called "It builds character." When I feel like it, I can start something about art/museums/exhibits/curating/cataloguing/etc. I'm going to an opening on Friday night and the College Arts Association convention is next week. I'm working on a resumé-style website.
I bought a briefcase and a suit. It's serious.

Then there are days like yesterday and today which make me feel...a bit hopeless. I hardly had anything to eat yesterday morning; I'm supposed to eat before I take one of my 4 medications. I felt like a big cottonball. Then I forgot to take my anti-anxiety medication, and I couldn't sleep until I did because my heart was pumping so hard. When I woke up this morning, I had a terrible headache, my throat hurt, and I felt so weak. I tried getting ready for work as usual, but the feeling of passing out never ceased. So I didn't go to work, even though I have a million things to catch up on. I wonder if I'm capable of having a full time job sometimes. But this is new, and I've been put in a strange position at work. And I'm sick of grad school. I feel like it's holding me back, keeping me in perpetual adolescence. If it wasn't for my thesis, I'd consider just quitting. The best thing that's happened from it is getting involved in the art museum world.

I am a bum.

2009-02-12T19:23:00.003-06:00

Things to do:
Don't do any of the things below, but fall asleep instead.
At least I can still dye my hair.

Yep, that's something I would do.

2009-02-12T15:14:00.003-06:00

I set an alarm so that I would be awake for when my briefcase auction ended. But in typical Emily fashion, I just turned it off and went back to sleep (I'm off work today). I later realized with horror what I had done, and sure enough, the auction was over; someone outbid me and I was not there to stop it.

So this will be my new briefcase.

It's the Piel "European" briefcase. My only problem with it is that pocket on the side, but as someone who is always finding her cell phone just after it has stopped ringing, that might not be a bad thing to have. I'm looking forward to being able to check it out in person. There weren't any images of the inside on any website, just lots of description. Hopefully, I'll be happy with it.

Things to do:
Dye hair.
Do laundry.
Make Valentine's Day card. (Decided not to go with a red-headed pinup girl)

...what...?

2009-02-11T23:47:00.005-06:00

I wanted to make a cute Valentine's Day card for my boyfriend. He likes red heads. I was looking at thumbnails of Vargas pinup girls, clicked on this one...
...wow. I don't even know what to say...other than that she may be visiting me tonight in the form of a nightmare.

I <3 Joseph Mallord William Turner.

2009-02-11T22:43:00.005-06:00

I saw these images in class tonight...incredible.

Hannibal and His Army Crossing the Alps, 1812

Slavers Throwing Overboard the Dead and Dying, 1840

Talk about ahead of his time. These could have been painted 100 years or more later.

It will be mine.

2009-02-09T01:17:00.004-06:00

Oh yes, it will be mine.

I've decided that having a really nice suitcase will make me act more professionally at work. Once I beat the pulp out of the other guy for this baby on eBay, we'll put that theory to the test.
I'm guessing I'll still do things like make jokes at the wrong time and taking up the boss's offer to party after he leaves while we're still open to the public. But at least I'll look really snazzy.

These shoes will make me more professional, too. And a new suit. Right?

Steve French.

2009-02-09T00:32:00.002-06:00

This is my new favorite tv show. It's Canadian and takes place in a trailer park, focusing on three friends and their (usually illegal) money-making schemes, with other assorted characters thrown in for hijinks such as the white rapper J-Roc, the drunk park manager Mr. Lahey and his ex-prostitute boyfriend Randy. It's shot documentary style.
My favorite character is Bubbles who wears coke-bottle glasses and takes care of all the cats in the park. In this episode, we meet a special kitty named "Steve French." Enjoy!

P.S. Be forewarned that the F word is used with great frequency.

Take two klonopin and don't call me in the morning.

2009-01-29T00:21:00.002-06:00

Still no word. I'm trying to just remember that no matter what happens, I've made great connections and have lots to add to my resumé. Which I'm going to work on this weekend. I finally submitted proof to the director of the Museum Studies program that I completed an internship so I can officially be certified (there've been 3 different directors whilst I've been taking MS classes...so of course it's a bit of a mess getting that taken care of).

I'm really getting into research mode. I checked out a bunch of books from the library (and put the due date in my iCal so I they don't become overdue like every other book I check out)for my 19th century art class, which overlaps with my thesis. I also did something kind of stupid...the library has Balthus's catalogue raisonné. I had checked it out long ago and did return it. A couple of days ago, I checked to see if it was still available, and it was. But then I looked tonight when I was at the library, and it was listed as missing. So I'm not sure what the deal is with that. But I decided it is something I should have my own copy of anyway, so I ordered one. It was much cheaper to get one from France...I paid at least a third of the cheapest price I could find for a new copy here. It'll be in French, but it's a catalogue raisonné so big whoop.

I'm trying to be better about managing my time. Working on homework instead of sitting around doing nothing. It really isn't that big of a deal...I make it out to be much more work than it really is. I think this semester will be really good for me. I'm going to try my hardest to get an A. I haven't gotten an A in a class for awhile, so that would make me really proud of myself. I want to get as much done for this paper so that I can present at least part of it at the Student Symposium in April. I've always wanted to do one of those, for personal experience and ye olde resumé. I can always submit my Schiele paper from last spring, though, if it's not cohesive enough at that point.

I have the film that Pierre Klossowski made in the '70s. I've had it for probably a year now, but have never watched it. It's all in French with no subtitles, and my command of French is not good enough to be able to understand speech. But it would be good to watch at least for the imagery, and I need to go to sleep...I think I'll put that on and lay in bed.

I'm old.

2009-01-26T21:51:00.002-06:00

I decided to buy myself a congratulatory gift for a job well done on the three exhibits that opened yesterday. Normally when I do such a thing, I purchase a new dress or a pair of shoes. Instead, I bought a massaging shower head. With more responsibilities comes more stress which leads to knotted shoulders. It's going to be so wonderful...once I buy a giant wrench to get the nut off of the shower spout that's probably been there since the 1960s.

I should be reading the rest of the chapters assigned to me for 19th Century Studies. At least I read one of them. But I have the day off tomorrow, so I'm committing myself to reading one between each of the errands I have to run. I had a couple of thoughts today, though, that I decided that I need to record.
A. I'm not as fucked up as I make myself out to be. I'm a square peg being pushed into society's round hole (insert juvenile snickering here). I don't operate the way the business world does. It's frustrating because I'm very intelligent and talented, but that gets overshadowed by the fact that I don't work the way that's expected of me. I wish I could remember that every time I feel like there's something wrong with me. I wish that whatever happens, future employers will recognize that and accept it.
B. I can't remember what B. was. I'm too tired. I almost walked out of Target with a set of pajamas that were draped over my arm when I stopped there today to get thank you cards for the three artists in the Pleasure Paintings exhibit. Flannel, on sale for $9 because they're wintery blue and silver. I just need something to keep me warm in Gabe's cold apartment.
Since I don't have to work tomorrow, I think I'll watch an episode or two from Buffy season 7. I'm really into Principal Wood right now. I know...nerd.

Sorry for the crypticness.

2009-01-23T01:04:00.002-06:00

Don't you hate it when you know there's going to be a big change coming soon but you won't know exactly what it is for another week or two, if that?
Ugh. And the worst is that I can't really talk about it...I can only speculate. And only in private.
I'm trying not to get anxious over it because I will win no matter what happens...I just hate not knowing what's going to happen.
I'll definitely be posting about it on here when it does.

It builds character.

2009-01-18T21:37:00.002-06:00

I grew up reading Calvin and Hobbes, and these immortal words were frequently uttered by Calvin's father. I thought of them today whilst trudging through unshoveled sidewalks carrying a jug of gasoline back to my gas-less car.
Everyone complains about winter here (as do I), but I feel really proud to live through these winters. I drive on unplowed, icy roads and freeze and get covered in salt and I shovel and I scrape...and then I go home and feel cozy in my big sweater, wool socks, and purring kitty (or snuggly boyfriend, depending on which evening it is). The only thing that I truly mind about winter is the shortage of daylight hours. It's hard enough when one needs 10 hours of sleep to feel truly restful; winter makes me feel like I need to be sleeping all day.
I'm feeling good, though. This will be a very busy week getting two exhibits prepared for Saturday...

...but Obama will be sworn in on Tuesday!!!

I'm excited, even if he is taking Illinois's least corrupt politicians with him. I'm going to watch the ceremony in the morning (begins at 10:30am Central!) and then get to work on those exhibits afterward.
They'll have their opening reception on Sunday. I hope it goes well.